We need to talk about Romeo…
Elected cover of the year by the National Association of Magazine Editors (Aner).
Winner of a honorable mention at Vladimir Herzog Journalistic Award for Democracy and Human Rights 2016.
Winner of the Citizenship in Respect to Diversity Award 2015. Finalist of the Allianz Award of Journalism 2016.
Romeo was banned from after-school activities for preferring dresses over male clothing. (Credit: Newsteam/SWNS Group/Grosby Group)
Little Romeo Clarke is 5 years old and loves wearing the dresses from his 100-piece-collection daily. “They are cute, pretty and full of shine”, explained to the Daily Mirror – a British tabloid. Clarke became news in May last year. The after-school project he attended in Rugby, United Kingdom, deemed his clothes as inappropriate. The kid was removed from the playgroup until, according to the institution, “he wears clothes which match his gender”.
This is not the only case of its kind. Events in which children and teenagers do not respect socially-accepted rules regarding being a men or women – whether intentionally or due to lack of domination – are part of school’s routine. When it exposes chauvinism, homophobia or prejudice to transgender people, parents and teachers act quickly to smooth things over and, whenever possible, to pretend that nothing happened. “The school, which should be responsible for embracing the differences, can be the most oppressive environment existing”, states Iana Mallmann, 18 years old, an activist against LGBTQphobia. “Many individuals drop out of schools because they do not feel comfortable within this environment”, says Beto de Jesus, secretary for Latin American and Caribbean of International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA).
Paradoxically, the students have been teaching the school to act on respect for diversity. “In contemporaneity, the groups, individuals and movements, methods to identify with gender and living the sexuality were multiplied. There is not only one way of being, but as many as are human beings”, states Guacira Lopes Louro, professor in Universidade Federal do Rio Grande do Sul (UFRGS) and one of the main references in gender studies, as showed by the courageous testimonies of Iana, Roberta and Emilson (which you can read in following pages). They invite us to a reflection regarding our own ideas of male and female, straight, homo and bisexual, boys’ issues and girls’ issues. We need to talk about sex, sexuality and, specially, gender.
Three ideas, three concepts
It is worth to undo the confusion between these concepts. Sex is biologically defined. We are born males or females, according to the genetic information carried by sperm to ovum. On the other hand, sexuality is related to the people for whom we feel attracted. And gender is related to social characteristics attributed to each sex.
Today is known that heterosexual/homosexual dualism is not able to encompass all forms of human desire. Studies regarding this subject say that sexual orientation is distributed in a wide range between these two poles. Probably, the sexual definition is given by the interaction between biological (genetic predisposition, hormone levels) and environmental (life experience) factors. The guide Sexual Orientation, Homosexuality and Bisexuality from the American Psychological Association, summarizes: “So far, no conclusive findings were made regarding the sexuality determination by any particular factor. The emerge, recognition and expression time of sexual orientation changes between subjects”.
It is surprising to observe how certain behaviors are accepted in a particular time of history and repressed in the following. The people of ancient Greece, for instance, used to establish intimate relationships with people of both sexes. On the other hand, in Middle Ages, behaviors that deviate from socially defined standard were punished with fire. Today, there are no more flames, but the punishment comes in the form of jokes, humiliation, physical and psychological abuse, exclusion. Why do we still act like that? How does society began to crash and panic at the sight of a boy in a dress?
The answer is in the idea of gender. It concerns what is attributed as typical features of male and female. Girls need to sit with legs closed, boys can spread them. Boys cannot cry, girls are more sensitive. Boys like blue, girls prefer pink. Finally, a number of aspects that, over time, gained strength and became rules. Why?
Because each one of us internalizes the structures of the social universe and transforms them into ways of understanding the world that guides our behavior. Several instances act so that these standards are passed from older to younger people: family, friends, religion – and, of course, schools. With regard to gender, the association with preexisting elements, such as cultural traditions, religious prejudice and family customs, defines which elements belong to the male or female universe. For example: when eating the forbidden fruit and convincing Adam of also doing it, Eva showed the irrational and sensitive features of woman. Thus, the idea that she should be submissive to the man was formed – naturally, a rational and brain human being, as explained by the researcher Clarisse Ismério in the article Construções e Representações do Universo Feminino (1920-1945). Another example: the cars and motorcycles association as “men issue” arises from the idea in force until the beginning of the 20th century that the public space should be occupied by men, while women should dedicate themselves to the domestic routine, as previously done by their mothers. Also, the attribution to pink and blue colors, respectively, to girls and boys… Well, it does not seem to have a logical reason. Nothing new: the social and historical study reveals that in the origins of many habits, customs and rules reigns the purest arbitrariness.
It all gets complicated in view of a feature of modern mentality: the trend of thinking through oppositions. According to French philosopher Jacques Derrida (1930-2004), the occidental logic acts by means of binarism: pretty/ugly, pure/impure, soul/body etc. “A term is always deemed superior, and the opposite its subordinate”, explains Guacira. Thus, the straight man conquered the most prestigious position in society. Women are placed below such position. And in the twilight, those who do not fit the binary scheme: gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders….
Until the middle of the 20th century, this discourse was accepted almost without objections. As of the 1950s, feminist movements, guided by studies of the French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986), began to question the roles assigned to women in society, work and family. Such were followed by fights for the rights of gays, lesbians, transsgenders and so forth between 1970 and the 2000s Currently, contesting schools of thought extend the identity possibilities, arguing that there are many ways of being a man and woman.
You’re probably asking where public schools is placed in this discussion. Teacher training must address this subject so that schools become prepared to respect diversity. It is the best way to disseminate what academic research already found out about construction of genders and its relation to sex and sexuality. But these initiatives face strong resistance. The most notorious case occurred in 2011. As part of the program Brasil sem Homofobia [Brazil without Homophobia], the federal government commisioned experts to prepare books with pedagogical content that placed the subject under discussion.
The material was supposed to be distributed in schools throughout the country. However, before its printing, congressmen linked to religious groups opposed the project. Such content was dubbed a “gay kit” and accused of stimulating “promiscuity and homosexualism”. The government yielded to congress pressure and prohibited the distribution of the material. Officially, there are no perspectives of distributing it. But it is available in the website of NOVA ESCOLA. You may read it and draw your own conclusions.
In the meanwhile, stories like Romeo Clarke’s are surrounded of judgement and shame. Even in situations involving very young children, in which there is no relation to sexuality (when boys are more sensitive or girls prefer to play soccer instead of spend their time with dolls), the most common action from schools is calling parents to discuss the “issue” and look for “solutions”. “In most cases, these children and young people are spanked by their parents, prohibited to return to school and end up running away”, states Constantina Xavier, professor of Federal University of Mato Grosso do Sul (UFMS). It is incumbent upon the school to act with professionalism. Which means, in this case, treating the topic naturally. A boy wants to dress as a Princess. If there is a problem, it is with the eye of the beholder. As said by Georgina Clarke, mother of little Romeo: “I don’t care if he wears the dress. He can be whatever he wants to be. If wearing it makes him happy it’s fine with me”.
Below, read first-persong stories of other students who defied the conventional roles of gender and how schools could have acted to establish a welcoming and inclusive environment.
Iana Mallman: School conniving with homophobia
Iana Mallmann, 18 years old, former student of both public and private school networks in Brasília. (Credit: Alexandre A. Bastos)
“I never had a female posture, never enjoyed using dress and hair accessories. Because of my manners and the way I dressed, I suffered bullying in the private school I attended. Many friends pointed at me and laughed, they called me male-girl. In the Physical Education class, I did not want to use skirt-short and, because of that, my mom was called in school several times. I was repressed because I didn’t sit with crossed legs or leaning knees, like a girl should do.
I started to realize what was happening to me during the last years of Elementary School, when I fell in love with a friend. I was depressed and tried to kill myself three times. Then, I decide to share it with my mom. She supported me a lot and that was all that matters. I cut my hair, throw out the girly clothes that I didn’t like, I was free. I started to comfortably talk about my sexuality, even in school. As of this moment, I was approached several times by teachers and coordinators.
They used to say things like: “it is okay to be homosexual, but do not discuss it herein”. Then, I found out other young homosexuals in school, but they didn’t discuss the issue. At the end, I signed up in a public school where sexuality was not an issue. There were several projects to discuss the subject, including a week to fight against homophobia, to question the attitude of students and society regarding this matter.”
Iana Mallmann (18 years old) is a former student of private and public schools from Brasília.
How the school could’ve acted
The institution must be an environment where all students feel comfort. For this to happen, it is important that sexuality is constantly discussed, showing that there is no right way to exploit it. We also need to support students seeking educators to discuss their sexuality. In rules of coexistence and in concrete actions of managers and teachers, must be clear that situations of homophobia and jokes are not tolerated.
Roberta Macchia: Blaming the victim
Roberta Lomonaco Macchia, 13 years old, a student at a private school in São Paulo. Roberta (in the front), had the support of her sister Nathalya and overcame the guilt of being attacked. (Credit: Raoni Maddalena)
“I was returning from a trip organized by school. I had walked all day and decided to take a sweatshirt. Four boys surrounded me in a corner of the bus and tried to touch my breasts. The teacher saw me crying and, being angry, called the pedagogical advisor. My mom went to school several times and requested it to do something about it. The advisor talked to her and then called me alone to his room to say the opposite. I had to hear things like: “You must see this situation as a joke. Maybe you’ve provoked them. It is normal for boys this age to have this behavior.” It was like I was guilt, and not the boys that tried to touch me. In a meeting with my mom, the coordinator said that, in order to change me to another classroom, he would have to lie about the reason, because such procedure was only executed in view of a serious event. It was like this case was not deemed as a certain type of abuse.
I felt guilt. I was only able to overcome this feeling because my family supported me, including some friends and my older sister, Nathalya. Committed in discussions regarding feminism, she helped me to see that situations similar to mine used to happen every day and many women and the reaction is always the same: the victim is responsible for it.”
Roberta Lomonaco Macchia (13 years old) is a student from private schools in São Paulo.
How the school could have acted
This kind of episode must not be naturalized. Boys need to respect the woman’s body. Disrespectful flatteries and harassment events may be common, but they are not acceptable. It shall also not be used different criteria for the behavior of boys and girls, as only boys demonstrate sexual interest and indiscipline. Other subject is the act to blame the victim. In cases like happened to Roberta, is common to hear things like: “Did you cause it?” and “How were you dressed?”. Attitudes and clothes, whatever they are, do not justify abuses. Harassment and violent acts are always responsibility of the aggressor.
Emilson Jr: Skirts against stereotypes
Nathália, Matheus, and Daian protested for Emilson's (center-right) right to wear a skirt. (Credit: Lucas Landau)
“I do not believe in divisions between male and female and, thus, I deem myself a person without gender. One day, a friend let me an uniform skirt. I decided to use it in school. I was victim of jokes, but my class friend couldn’t care less. In last class, I was called to the management room, with the pedagogical coordinator and deputy principle. She started saying that had contact with gender discussions since college. Also, she said that in Scotland was common the use of skirts by men, but not in Brazil. Long story short, they asked me not to use the skirt.
I was not obliged to take it off, but they made me think: if I don’t take it off, there will be bad consequences for me. At the institution attended by me, a traditional public school in Rio de Janeiro, student organizations are very strong. In addition to them, there is also a front led by students to make everyone feel accepted as they are. We always carry out activities, lectures and acts to discuss issues related to gender and sexuality. As protest against the event, we’ve promoted a “saiato” [a protest movement where everyone wears skirts] two weeks later. More than 30 students, men and women, wore skirts in school at the scheduled day. The case had repercussions and came out in newspapers. Unfortunately, the school management decided not to talk about it. Despite a statement issued to the newspaper, no discussion was organized by the school.”
Emilson Gomes Júnior (16 years old) is a student from a public school in Rio de Janeiro.
How the school could have acted
An initial step is questioning since Kindergarten about rules and standards associated with each gender. The definition of what is girl clothes and what is boy clothes is also made by conventions that vary according to culture and place. Thus, there is no reason to ban a boy to wear skirt, if it is part of the uniform set by the institution. If the use results in commotion in school, the situation can be used to discuss how the rules that differentiate men and women were made.
Originally published by Nova Escola Magazine. February 2015.
Reporter: Wellington Soares
Editor-in-chief: Rodrigo Ratier
Editorial Director: Maggi Krause
Art Director: Alice Vasconcellos
